tired of the run around

My life seems so messy and chaotic. I feel drained....every part of my being has been invested in a relationship that constantly seems to fail. I'm paralyzed by it because in relationships it takes 2 to make it work, it's not like the relationship you have with yourself where you are battling things within yourself and trying to grow and change and shape who you're going to be. Relationships are much more complicated in that its two people coming together from different parents, different understandings of the world and then trying to make one life together whole.
In the past four years I have had so much hope, faith, love and I was certain Cody was the man I wanted to spend my life with. He was the man I wanted to give myself to and have children with and form a family with. Now, one beautiful daughter and another miracle on the way later I'm stuck in the biggest dilema i've been faced with yet. Within the last year, since my pregnacy with my daughter, our relationship has hit major bumps which have left me severly emotionally scared. Not only by the things he has done to hurt me, but the kind of person I've become since going through some of these tough moments. Being hurt by someone you love so much can change you.....it certianly has changed me. I feel broken and unworthy because I think if I was important and worthy to Cody he wouldn't hurt me like he has. if he respected me he wouldn't have made the same mistake as many times as he has. I can't help but feel bitter towards him. It feels like I have a perminant bruise on my heart that no one will ever be able to heal.
All i really long for is true love. I want to be in love, to experience real undying love. the kind that any temptation any rough patch can push through and come out victorious. I want a man that gets hit on my a girl and he turns her away politely but gets the point across that he loves his girl and she's there to stay. I want to know I am safe with my man. I want to feel confident that even though I'm not the hottest girl, he always makes sure to make me feel like I'm his one and only.
I want to be loved and know that I am loved. I want my heart to trust instead of fear.